“Cuffing Season” Scaries
The colder weather is finally here and fall scents are wafting through the air. That could only mean one thing…cuffing season is here! It seems like this once funny term has snowballed into another holiday this season that can bring up pressure, anxiety, or other heightened emotions, in the hopes that we “do it right”. Where do you stand this current cuffing season? If you are feeling a similar urge to find a connection in time, then this blog may help ease the pressure while you’re on the hunt.
This coined term, cuffing season, became quite popular as an unofficial holiday from approximately October to February when single individuals rampage for a serious relationship to cope during the cold months. Even if it is not a term in your vocabulary, there may have been several references in conversations or media that could influence how you perceive relationships during this season. One example that comes to mind is the movie Holidate, starring Emma Roberts who feels the pressure from family to settle down until others recommended that she find a person to sit through the holiday events with. You may notice the urge to try out dating apps even more. The cuffing season “fever” can look like wanting someone around to talk to on the gloomy winter days or to do those fun seasonal activities with. It could also include any other concern about why it would be nice to speed up the dating process. I, myself, am guilty of looking a bit longer for a date in the past to “find someone to do this cute couple’s costume with” or “go to that holiday activity that feels weird without a date.”
What’s the Cause?
Why we participate in cuffing season could be a conscious decision or a subconscious goal influenced by numerous factors. A common influence is our mental health needs. I know, it may sound like an attack, but you don’t have to have challenges with your mental health just to want a connection during this time and vice versa. Several studies have shown that stress levels, fatigue, low mood, and other challenges increase for an average of 20-50% percent of people due to weather changes and holiday planning. The cold months and back-to-back holidays increase feelings of loneliness- and our natural solution to this feeling is often seeking out other individuals romantically and platonically. You are not alone in feeling all of these low emotions. It happens so often that clinicians came up with the diagnosis of SAD. No really, SAD stands for seasonal affective disorder. Interestingly enough it can last over the course of cuffing season and how long it takes to resolve varies by person.
Another common influence on how we feel during cuffing season is our social support. Even if your family, friends, and associates were all incredibly supportive of your journey with relationships, they can still apply pressure to find someone soon. Are most of them partnered and hoping you can come along for this group activity with someone? What about if they have less time to hang out because they couple date plans that you aren’t ready to participate in yet? Even with this best-case scenario of flawless social support, you could internalize that life stage difference. There are also some family members and friends that can REALLY add the pressure- “When am I going to get those grandkids?”, “I can’t wait for your wedding someday!”
How to Thrive in this Season
In terms of recommendations for feeling better about dating during this time, I encourage rounding out your search for connection. This can include group activities, learning new hobbies, and adding friends and/or family plans that are out of your normal routine. When our focus becomes finding that perfect person to meet all of these needs, we can get caught up in keeping it “perfect” or only find enjoyment from that one source. Similar to a balanced diet, everything has the potential to be good or bad for us if we over-consume or remove it from our plate continuously. Even while actively seeking a romantic or sexual connection, we have other needs during this time that have to be taken care of.
My second recommendation is to check in with ourselves periodically when we start going through the dating motions- swipe left, swipe right, okay first date, never talking to after this, the seemingly repetitive conversations, etc. Are you enjoying this activity? Is your inner voice telling you that you have to do this or you get to do this? If you have a difficult time distinguishing between the two, that leads me to my last recommendation. It’s okay to take a step back to date yourself and see what you’re actually looking for.
Again, this is not to say that you should feel like something is wrong for you to want to during this time. This blog can’t diagnose you with SAD or any other condition. I am also writing from general points and suggestions that you have full control of adapting to your personal needs. It’s only to validate that you’re not alone in navigating the messy experience of dating AND you’re allowed to enjoy the search without the pressure of a deadline.
Next Steps
Would you like to learn more about dating and other related topics? The therapists at Aligning Intimacy are passionate about facilitating a compassionate and judgment-free environment to answer questions, create a secure space, and partner with you as you create an alignment within yourself and your relationships. Click the “Contact Us” button below to get started!
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