Let’s be honest, being queer in a world that likes its boxes neat, and tidy is complicated enough. When you add in a partner of a different gender, and suddenly people act like your identity is gone, like it disappeared the minute you met somebody (and spoiler alert- it didn’t) it can leave you feeling pretty isolated. Well, that’s why I’m writing this blog- to shine a light on the invisible struggles that so many bisexual people experience in straight-presenting relationships. Whether you’re living it yourself, loving someone who is, or trying to unlearn some old assumptions that aren’t serving you, this one’s for you.

The "Four Horsemen” is a metaphor used by Dr. John and Julie Gottman (relationship therapists/ experts) to describe four communication styles that can be particularly damaging to relationships. When we look at why the Gottman’s chose to name these communication styles, it brings us back to biblical times. The four horsemen of the apocalypse originated through the New Testament in which the bible refers to four components of final destruction of the world through Conquest, War, Famine, and Death. Now, while this isn’t a biblical piece- I think the value and the weight of naming these components this way shows how truly damaging the Gottman’s perceive these communication styles. While they are not the signs of destruction of the world or existence, they are signs of the potential destruction of a romantic relationship (which to many people is a very important piece of their world). Now, what are the four horsemen, how did we get there, and how can we find a new course of direction?