Masturbation: Myths, Tricks, and Associated Feelings
Masturbation is often seen as such a tongue-in-cheek topic, but why? Even though it is a natural part of the human experience, it is seen as only acceptable to think about in the darkness of our bedrooms. The experience can look different for everyone, but the benefits are universally abundant! There is much more to masturbation than what we are socialized to accept. Whether it is a regular part of your living routine or saved for special occasions- how comfortable are you with exploring your self-pleasure journey?
The following information is a brief introduction to the health and benefits of masturbation. There may be other individual needs, questions, or experiences that are valid and deserve exploration.
Is it REALLY Normal?
To briefly define, masturbation is the act of stimulating your genitals and/or other areas of the body that provide sexual pleasure. We become curious about our bodies as early as 3-5 years old, which often starts with observing what those new parts are meant to be. Around the preteen age, some may even have the desire to stimulate the areas we have noticed feel pretty good. Sexual attraction traditionally grows from there. This can be discovered through self-stimulation of other sexual partners.
Two myths I have enjoyed debunking are the idea that masturbation can cause problems to your health and that it limits your ability to be pleased sexually over time. Studies have shown that masturbation can reduce stress/tension, improve mental health symptoms, and many more health benefits. For example, those assigned male at birth (AMAB) that frequently ejaculate can lower the risk of prostate cancer, release stress hormones (cortisol), and in turn improve the immune system. The amount of times that count as frequent can vary per person. For those assigned female at birth, masturbation can increase overall sexual pleasure and life satisfaction. Examples can include menstrual cramp relief, reduce risk of vaginal dryness during intercourse, and reduce pain associated with intercourse. So in actuality, across all genders, it can increase orgasms, self-esteem, sexual desire, and satisfaction within your relationships.
So with that being said- is it really normal to masturbate and enjoy it? Absolutely! Not only is it a natural part of the developmental process, but masturbation can keep your body functioning in a happy and efficient manner!
It’s Not Like We’re All Doing It
If you think you’re the only one interested in masturbation- FALSE! Studies have shown that approximately 90% of all people admit to masturbating and at a rate of 70% of married individuals. The average person masturbates and/or makes plans to masturbate several times a week!
It is fascinating that our society has pushed this narrative that we should only seek pleasure through our partners and we should know enough from birth to just “figure it out”. I remember discussing with several individuals about how they feel about masturbation. I have had several take pride in not caving into the act. Others become bashful and explain all the ways they are embarrassed. Those who identify as female are especially prone to the social shame about enjoying their bodies.
This is not to assume that we all were only pushed the same masturbation narrative. However, it is highly likely that most of us had little to no guidance on the joys of masturbation.
Am I Doing it Wrong?
Speaking from personal experience, even growing up with parents who were open to explaining sex to me left several gaps. More often than not, conversations with peers, family members, or educators was all about how to please another partner and thorough explanations on how to be terrified of my body. Masturbation was “too silly” or “too sinful” of a topic! So how the heck are you supposed to know what you like if no one is willing to share their experiences?!
Consider this your starting point if you’ve never explored the idea, or a self check-in as a frequent flyer.It can be performed with various parts of the hand, sex toys, and other safe objects. It’s important to listen to your body. Ask yourself these check-in questions:
Am I in the right headspace to try?
How do I want to be stimulated (tingling, relaxed, etc.)?
How do I feel after?
You don’t have to have all of the answers now. If this article is your first time considering your current relationship with masturbation or other topics of interest, we would love to help! The therapists at Aligning Intimacy are passionate about facilitating a compassionate and judgment-free environment to answer questions, create a secure space, and partner with you as you create an alignment within yourself and your relationships.
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