How to Talk to Your Doctor About Sex: 8 Tips to Make the Process Easier

Bringing up sex during a doctor’s visit can feel uncomfortable or even embarrassing—but it doesn’t have to be. Sexual health is a vital part of your overall health, and when something feels off, it deserves just as much care and attention as any other concern.

Whether you’re dealing with changes in desire, discomfort during intimacy, questions about your body, or emotional blocks connected to sex, talking to your provider can be the first step toward finding answers, support, and relief.

Why Is It So Hard to Bring Up Sex With Your Doctor?

Let’s be honest—talking about sex can feel awkward, especially in a doctor’s office. It’s one thing to chat with friends or partners (and even that isn’t always easy), but opening up to a healthcare provider? That can feel next-level vulnerable. For a lot of us, sex just wasn’t something we were encouraged to talk about growing up. Maybe it was treated like something shameful, private, or inappropriate. So now, as adults, it’s not surprising that we can feel embarrassed or unsure about bringing it up—even in a setting where health is supposed to be the focus.

There’s also the fear of judgment. You might wonder: What if they think something’s wrong with me? What if I’m asking a dumb question? What if I’m the only one struggling with this? These kinds of thoughts can be loud enough to shut down the conversation before it even starts. And let’s be real—when you’re already sitting in a paper gown under fluorescent lights, feeling a little exposed, it’s hard to find the confidence to dive into a sensitive topic like sex.

Another common barrier? Not knowing how to bring it up. You might not have the words to describe what you’re experiencing, or maybe you’re not sure if it’s even “important enough” to mention. A lot of people assume their doctor will only care about things like blood pressure, cholesterol, or symptoms that seem strictly physical. It’s easy to forget (or never be taught) that sexual health is physical health—and emotional health, too.

Plus, there’s a big misconception that doctors either aren’t trained in sexual health or don’t have time to talk about it. And sometimes, unfortunately, that’s true. Not every provider is comfortable or skilled in these conversations, which can leave patients feeling dismissed, misunderstood, or embarrassed. If you’ve ever tried to bring something up and it was brushed off, it makes total sense that you’d hesitate to try again.

But here’s the thing: your sexual health matters. It affects your quality of life, your relationships, your sense of identity, and your overall well-being. You deserve a space where you can talk about things like desire, pleasure, pain, changes in libido, or any questions you have—without feeling weird or judged. And while it might feel uncomfortable at first, starting that conversation with your doctor could be the first step toward getting real answers, support, and relief.

You don’t need to have the perfect words or a detailed script. Even saying something as simple as, “Can I ask you something about sex?” is enough to open the door. And if your current provider doesn’t take you seriously or make you feel safe, that’s not a reflection of you—it just means it might be time to find someone who will.

What You Should Know

Sexual health is a real and important part of your overall well-being—it’s not just about sex itself, but how your body, mind, and relationships are working together. When something feels “off” in your sex life—maybe your desire has dropped, sex feels uncomfortable, or things just aren’t working the way they used to—it’s often your body’s way of telling you that something else might be going on.

Changes in your sexual function can sometimes be early signs of underlying medical issues like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hormonal shifts (like low testosterone or menopause), or even neurological conditions. And sometimes it’s not the condition itself, but the medications used to treat it—things like antidepressants, blood pressure meds, or hormone therapies can have side effects that impact your sex drive, ability to get aroused, or overall satisfaction. These are important things to bring up with your doctor—not because anything is “wrong” with you, but because there are often options to adjust your treatment or find solutions that help you feel more like yourself.

On the emotional side, stress, anxiety, depression, and past trauma can all show up in your sex life. It’s really common to feel disconnected from your body or partner during difficult seasons. If you’re constantly overwhelmed, not sleeping well, or emotionally checked out, it’s totally understandable that your libido might take a hit. And when sex becomes frustrating, painful, or emotionally draining, it can create tension in your relationship—or even make you feel isolated from your own sense of pleasure and identity.

The good news? You don’t have to figure it out alone. Talking to your doctor about what you’re noticing can be the first step toward finding real answers. They might be able to run tests, adjust medications, or connect you with a specialist—like a pelvic floor physical therapist, hormone specialist, or sex therapist—who can support you in a more targeted way. These conversations don’t have to be perfect or polished. You don’t need the “right” words. Just starting the conversation can open up options you didn’t even know were available.

Sexual wellness isn’t a luxury—it’s part of living a whole, connected, and healthy life. You deserve care that supports every part of you.

8 Tips to Make the Process Easier

Talking to your doctor about sex can feel intimidating, but it’s a key part of managing your health. Here’s how to make it easier and more productive:

1. It’s Okay to Feel Weird About It

If the idea of bringing up sex with your doctor makes your stomach flip, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel uncomfortable talking about intimate stuff—even with medical professionals. The good news? Your doctor is trained to handle these topics. They’ve heard it all and truly aren’t there to judge you. Remind yourself: they’re here to help, and that includes your sexual health.

2. Think About What You Want to Say Ahead of Time

Before your appointment, take a few minutes to jot down what you want to talk about. Maybe you’re having pain during sex, maybe your libido’s changed, or maybe you just have questions about birth control or STIs. Writing it down can help take the pressure off when you’re in the room and give you something to refer back to if you freeze up.

3. Be Direct—or Start Small

If you can, try starting the conversation with something simple like, “I have a question about my sex life,” or “Can we talk about something related to intimacy?” That’s often all it takes to open the door. And if that still feels too hard, you can ease into it by mentioning a symptom or concern and letting the doctor guide things from there. You don’t have to be perfect—just honest.

4. Use Words That Feel Natural

You don’t need fancy medical terms. Just talk how you normally talk. Say “sex” instead of “intercourse,” or “partner” instead of “significant other”—whatever feels comfortable for you. Doctors are used to hearing all kinds of language and will understand what you mean. What matters most is that you’re able to express what’s going on.

5. Be Specific About What’s Bothering You

If you’re dealing with something like pain, low desire, discomfort, or emotional stuff getting in the way of intimacy, let your doctor know exactly what’s going on. The more specific you can be, the easier it is for them to help. Even things that feel small—like a recent change in your sex drive or questions about screening tests—are totally worth bringing up.

6. Ask for Privacy if You Need It

If someone else is in the room during your appointment—like a partner, friend, or family member—it’s completely okay to ask for a few minutes alone. Your doctor can make that happen, no questions asked. You deserve a safe space to talk honestly without anyone else listening in.

7. Ask Questions (and Keep Asking!)

If your doctor says something you don’t quite get, ask them to explain. Seriously. It’s your health, and you have a right to understand what’s going on. Say something like, “Can you break that down a little more?” or “What does that mean for me?” A good provider will be happy to walk you through it without making you feel dumb.

8. Mention the Emotional Stuff Too

Sex isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and relational too. If things like stress, anxiety, relationship tension, or past experiences are affecting your sex life, don’t be afraid to say that. Doctors can help you make sense of how it’s all connected, and if needed, refer you to someone like a therapist or counselor who can support you on that front too.

Bottom line: You’re allowed to talk about your sex life in the doctor’s office. It matters. You matter. And the more open you can be, the more support you’ll be able to get.

Next Steps

If talking to your doctor feels like just the beginning—or if your concerns around sex are tied to emotional, relational, or past experiences—therapy can be a powerful next step. Our bodies and minds are deeply connected, and healing often happens when we give space to both.

At Aligning Intimacy, our therapists are passionate about creating a compassionate, judgment-free environment where you can ask questions, feel heard, and explore what alignment looks like within yourself and your relationships. Whether you’re navigating intimacy struggles, past experiences, or communication challenges, we’re here to support you.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. We’re just an email or phone call away—and we’d be honored to walk alongside you.