Pelvic Pain Is Real: Why We Need to Talk About It
Pelvic pain affects millions of people across all genders, yet it remains one of the most under-discussed and misunderstood forms of chronic pain. In the United States, an estimated 15–20% of women experience chronic pelvic pain that lasts six months or longer. Among those affected, up to 91% report significant interference with work, daily activities, relationships, and sexual function. Pelvic pain is not exclusive to women, chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CP/CPPS) impacts approximately 11–16% of men and is a leading cause of urological consultations in this population. For many, the path to diagnosis is painfully slow; those assigned female at birth can wait 5 to 10 years before receiving a diagnosis for conditions like endometriosis. Research also shows that LGBTQIA+ individuals and people of color are more likely to have their symptoms dismissed or under-treated, reflecting disparities rooted in bias and medical inequity.
Despite the prevalence of pelvic pain, many suffer in silence. Symptoms are frequently minimized, misdiagnosed, or attributed solely to psychological causes. Patients are often told “it’s just stress,” or worse, implied that the pain is imaginary. This dismissal leads to shame, isolation, and medical trauma, making it even harder to seek help.
But pelvic pain is real. And we need to talk about it.
This blog is here to break the silence. Whether you’ve lived with pain for years or are just beginning to seek answers, your experience matters. By acknowledging the reality of pelvic pain and its deep impact, we validate lived experiences, reduce stigma, and advocate for integrative, trauma-informed care that supports healing of the whole person - body, mind, and spirit.
What Is Pelvic Pain?
Pelvic pain refers to discomfort or pain in the lower abdomen, pelvis, or genital area. It can be acute, meaning it comes on suddenly and may resolve quickly, or chronic, persisting for six months or more. The pain may be constant or intermittent, dull or sharp, and can range from mildly uncomfortable to completely debilitating. What makes pelvic pain particularly complex is that it may have multiple contributing factors - muscular, neurological, gynecological, urological, or psychological - and often lacks a single clear cause.
This type of pain can be genital, affecting the vulva, vagina, penis, or perineum, or non-genital, experienced in areas like the bladder, rectum, tailbone, or lower abdomen. People of all genders can experience pelvic pain, though it is often underdiagnosed in both men and gender-diverse individuals due to prevailing stereotypes in healthcare.
Common diagnoses that fall under the umbrella of pelvic pain include endometriosis, where tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus; vulvodynia, defined as chronic vulvar pain without an identifiable cause; and vaginismus, which involves involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful or impossible. Other frequently seen conditions are interstitial cystitis (a painful bladder condition often mistaken for recurrent urinary tract infections), prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome in men, and pelvic floor dysfunction, in which the muscles of the pelvic floor become tight, weak, or uncoordinated.
Unfortunately, many people experience symptoms that go unrecognized or are routinely dismissed by healthcare providers. These may include deep pain during or after sex, burning sensations without visible irritation, pressure in the pelvis or rectum, difficulty urinating or defecating, or a general sense that “something just feels off.” For some, even sitting or wearing certain clothing becomes unbearable.
Because pelvic pain can be so difficult to describe - and because it often intersects with issues of intimacy, identity, and shame - many people delay seeking help, or worse, feel invalidated when they do. But pelvic pain is real. And understanding its many forms is the first step toward breaking the silence and building pathways to healing.
Why Its Often Misunderstood and Minimized
For many people living with pelvic pain, the physical symptoms are only part of the struggle. What’s often more painful is not being believed. Over and over, individuals report being dismissed by doctors, told their pain is “normal,” “just anxiety,” or “something all women deal with.” This kind of medical gaslighting can leave deep emotional scars and delay diagnosis and treatment for years and sometimes even decades.
There are several reasons pelvic pain is so often misunderstood or minimized, starting with gender bias in healthcare. Research consistently shows that women and people assigned female at birth are more likely to have their pain downplayed or psychologized compared to men. When it comes to sexual or reproductive pain, the dismissal can be even more profound. Cultural narratives often treat period pain, painful sex, or bladder discomfort as inconveniences to be tolerated rather than red flags to be addressed. The result? People normalize suffering, and providers may overlook serious underlying conditions like endometriosis, vulvodynia, or pelvic floor dysfunction.
In addition to systemic bias, there’s often a profound lack of education for both providers and patients about pelvic anatomy and function. In fact, many medical training programs spend limited time on the pelvic floor, and even less on how trauma, stress, and identity can affect pelvic health. On the patient side, most of us were never taught the names of our pelvic muscles, let alone how they function or how to recognize when something is wrong.
This gap in knowledge, combined with repeated invalidation, can lead to internalized shame. When symptoms don’t make sense or doctors can't offer answers, many begin to wonder, "Is this just in my head?" That self-doubt, especially when compounded by cultural silence around sex, pleasure, and bodies, can be incredibly isolating. For some, it feels easier to stay quiet than to risk being dismissed again.
But pelvic pain is not a character flaw or a mental weakness. It’s not something you’re imagining, exaggerating, or failing to handle. The misunderstanding and minimization of pelvic pain is a systemic problem, not a personal one. And the more we talk about it, the more we can begin to dismantle the stigma and get people the support they deserve.
The Real-Life Impacts of Pelvic Pain
Pelvic pain isn’t just something you feel in your body. It can shape your entire life, physically, emotionally, relationally. And the longer it goes unacknowledged, the more it can start to erode your sense of self and safety.
Let’s start with the physical side. For many people, pelvic pain makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Sitting through a work meeting, going for a walk, even wearing certain clothes can become uncomfortable or impossible. The pain might come and go, or it might be constant. Either way, it’s draining. It impacts sleep, movement, and the ability to do things that used to feel easy or enjoyable.
But the toll doesn’t stop there. Pelvic pain has a huge impact on mental health. It’s common to experience anxiety, depression, or a general sense of hopelessness, especially if you’ve been dismissed or told nothing’s wrong. Many people start to feel like they can’t trust their own bodies anymore. You might feel disconnected, ashamed, or numb. And because the pain is so intimate, it can touch places that feel deeply tied to identity, worth, or vulnerability.
Relationships can also take a hit. When pain affects intimacy, it often becomes harder to talk openly with a partner. You might worry they’ll feel rejected, or struggle with guilt for not “being able” to show up in the way you want to. Even affectionate touch can become something you avoid, not because you don’t crave connection, but because you’re afraid of what it might lead to.
And then there’s the part people don’t always talk about: the avoidance. After being brushed off by providers one too many times, it can start to feel easier to just stop seeking help altogether. You might cancel appointments, avoid pelvic exams, or shut down conversations about sex or pain - not out of denial, but out of exhaustion and fear.
These impacts are real. And you’re not weak or dramatic for feeling them. Pelvic pain doesn’t just affect your body, it affects your whole life. Which is exactly why it deserves to be taken seriously, talked about openly, and treated with compassion.
Why We Need to Talk About It
Pelvic pain thrives in silence. And that silence can be just as harmful as the pain itself.
When we don’t talk about pelvic pain, when we keep it hidden out of shame, confusion, or fear, we unintentionally reinforce the idea that it’s something to be embarrassed about. But naming the pain is powerful. It’s often the first step toward healing. When someone finally hears the words “You’re not imagining this” or “That kind of pain isn’t normal,” it can be a turning point. Language brings clarity. Validation brings relief.
Talking about pelvic pain also helps others feel less alone. When you share your story, whether with a partner, a provider, a friend, or even anonymously online, it creates ripples. It gives someone else permission to seek answers, to ask questions, or to finally say, “Hey, that sounds like me.”
And the more we talk about it, the better care becomes. Providers are more likely to recognize symptoms. Diagnoses become more accurate. Interdisciplinary teams, like pelvic floor physical therapists, sex therapists, and trauma-informed clinicians, can come together to offer support that actually helps. But that kind of care can only grow if we keep breaking the silence.
Most importantly, talking about pelvic pain helps dismantle the stigma that surrounds sex, pain, and embodiment. We live in a culture that still treats pain in the pelvis, especially when it’s tied to sexual or reproductive health, as taboo. But bodies are not taboo. Pain is not shameful. And healing starts when we’re allowed to speak openly and be met with curiosity instead of judgment.
You don’t have to tell your story to everyone. But even the quiet act of naming your experience and acknowledging that it’s real and that it matters, can be a radical and healing thing.
What Support Can Look Like
If you’ve been living with pelvic pain, it’s easy to feel like there are no good options or that no one really understands what you’re going through. But the truth is, support does exist. And while it may take time to find the right team or approach, you deserve care that is gentle, collaborative, and actually helpful.
For starters, trauma-informed medical care can make a huge difference. This means working with providers who not only understand the physical aspects of pelvic pain but also know how trauma, shame, or past medical experiences might show up in the body. These clinicians slow down, explain things clearly, and ask for consent every step of the way. They believe you when you say you’re in pain and they work with you instead of trying to “fix” you.
Pelvic floor physical therapy (PFPT) is often a game-changer. These specialized therapists focus on the muscles, nerves, and connective tissues of the pelvic region. PFPT can help with everything from tension and pain during sex to urinary urgency, constipation, and post-partum healing. And no, it’s not just kegels. It’s personalized, hands-on care that’s focused on restoring function and reducing pain.
Sex therapy can also be an important part of the puzzle, especially if pelvic pain has impacted your relationship with touch, intimacy, or identity. Sex therapists trained in mind-body approaches can help you reconnect with your body in ways that feel safe and empowering. They can support you through grief, fear, communication challenges, and even help you rediscover pleasure on your own terms.
Finally, support groups and patient education can help ease the isolation that often comes with pelvic pain. Whether online or in-person, connecting with others who “get it” can offer a sense of community and a reminder that you’re not alone. Learning about your own anatomy, pain responses, and care options is empowering, and often the beginning of reclaiming your agency.
Support isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for someone else might not be your path. But you’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to take your time. And you’re absolutely allowed to have a team that sees you as a whole person, not just a symptom.
Next Steps
If you’re navigating pelvic pain, we want you to know this: your experience is real, and it matters.
Pain may be part of your story right now, but it doesn’t define who you are or what you’re capable of. You are not broken. You are not “too much.” And you are absolutely not alone.
Healing may not be a straight line and it may not look the way you imagined. But that doesn’t mean it’s out of reach. With the right support, it is possible to move toward relief, connection, and a relationship with your body that feels less like a battlefield and more like home.
You deserve care that listens to your full story, honors your boundaries, and respects your autonomy. Whether you’re just beginning to seek answers or you’ve been advocating for yourself for years, your courage matters.
At Aligning Intimacy Therapy, our team is here to walk alongside you. We specialize in trauma-informed sex and relationship therapy, and we deeply understand the emotional impact that chronic pelvic pain can have. If you’re ready to explore what healing might look like for you, we’d be honored to support you.